The people who are overzealous and polite to you are sometimes not the best “keep your mouth shut”.
We all want other people to respect and trust people who know how to keep their credibility. However, to earn that respect, each person must know how to win the trust of others. Choosing someone trustworthy to share secrets with is not an easy task. Even this decision needs to be based on many factors, of which personality is the first one.
To delve into the true personality of a person who has a good ability to keep secrets, scientists at the University. Queensland, USA did a pretty interesting study.
Enthusiastic, polite, and friendly people are not the kind to keep secrets.
Scientists at the University. Queensland conducted a total of 5 different studies with around 1000 volunteers. The research team was particularly interested in four personality traits that psychologists call socially characteristic behaviors.
The first is compassionate and polite and friendly (pleasant) and the second is assertive and enthusiastic (extroverted).
The results were quite surprising when scientists discovered that enthusiastic, polite and friendly people are not the ones who can keep secrets. Instead, it is people who are assertive and compassionate who are the best keepers of secrets.
This is an interesting conclusion because in the past, most people thought that a polite person was the most trustworthy person.
When asked about the personality traits of a person they were looking to share their secrets with, the volunteers emphasized that they needed someone who was polite. However, when they really have to reveal secrets, they choose people with more compassion and assertiveness.
In fact, we often tell our secrets to those who know how to care, motivate others, and be assertive in everything. People who seem overly chatty and overzealous are sometimes the less likely to “keep their mouths shut.”
And the indispensable factor that makes a person more trusted to tell a secret is to have a decisive character.
It is best to refrain from telling personal secrets to people who are too polite or enthusiastic about you.
Dr. James Kirby, one of the study’s lead authors, said: “We believe it is context-related because trust is something that can be gained from helping others. Assertive people will help and act even in the face of obstacles. People not only trust those who are motivated to help, but also those who can act when needed.”
Of course, you shouldn’t be in a hurry to put your full trust in assertive and compassionate people. Everything will need to go through a certain process of contact and understand a part of the other person’s personality.
The above research does not mean that 100% of people who are assertive and compassionate are good people to whom you can keep secrets. Only, it’s best to limit your personal secrets to people who seem too polite or enthusiastic about you.
The study was recently published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.